do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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