the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
