When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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