I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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