I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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