people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
