Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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