to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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