I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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