i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
