farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
