Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
