this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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