youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
