i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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