Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
