Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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