very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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