im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
