It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You need Xanax blowdarts
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize