I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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