The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This is the high leading the old right now
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
