I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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