He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
