mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
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there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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