Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
