Moan for me like Helen Keller
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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