just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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