I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
