Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
