I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
