Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
