The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
