he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
