he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
