we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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