The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
