she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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