He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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