this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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