The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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