I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
