He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
