omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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