okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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