I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
