Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
