i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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