I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
whose parrot is this?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
