My brain says no but my pants say off.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
