Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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