I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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