Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
