Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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