From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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