the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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