so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
