Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
