I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
