Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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