i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
