I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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