1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
