Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
