if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
