YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
