Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
